life is fragile
knowing the death of the lady opposite my mum's bed really sadden my heart.
she's still lying there finely yesterday night.
though she can't move nor talk and need oxygen for breathing.
i could feel she's struggling hard to live.
but still, she left.
later on, a Indian young girl who is about my age occupied the same bed.
looking at her, my heart sink.
overheard what her family were saying, the doctor asked them to be mentally prepared.
she was transfer to HD/ICU around evening.
felt really emotional over these two issues.
though they're not related to me.
somehow, i still feel really sad.
my eyes were red and my bro saw.
he told me don't anyhow think.
my mind still went wild.
I'm really really very scare.
the fear of rushing her to hospital a&e.
waiting outside the cold area.
waiting for blood test and stuff.
then, admitted in the hospital again and again.
it's been happening almost every month.
i don't like the feeling, not at all.
we should stop complaining.
we are bless enough to be healthy.
love your life.
Saturday 26 June 2010
Monday 14 June 2010
Monday 7 June 2010
Friday 4 June 2010
heaven is testing my determination
i know i ain't the clever type.
but, i never felt so stupid before.
like seriously, i feel that I'm such a failure.
why couldn't i handle it better? why can't i?
I'm nothing but such a disappointment.
I thought I could manage some of the paper.
the least I expect I would flunk it.
yes, I failed all my modules.
I couldn't believe my own eyes too.
I keep refreshing and refreshing hoping that it'll change.
it din. it stays the same.
it hurts more when I know how mum will be disappointed with my results.
till now, I dare not break this news to her.
it even hurts more, when the doctor says if she carry on like this,
she could only live for weeks or months.
yet, I can't made her feel better and gotten myself into this kinda shit.
the feeling is like I rather die off then to see her disappointed face.
I'm really upset about myself.
what went wrong?!
I did try my best, perhaps not my very best.
I'm nothing but trouble.
I could accept the fact that I flunk the modules.
I just couldn't accept the fact that I'm going to disappoint my mum.
suddenly, I couldn't see where's my future anymore.
there's so much I wanna achieve.
I had a goal but it's getting further away from me.
I could feel the distant when I once thought it's so near.
but, not anymore.
my cousin asked me this: 你有没有做好心理准备？
I told her even if I did, when she's gone. I really couldn't accept the fact.
she has yet attend my degree graduation ceremony.
she has yet seen me marry off.
she has yet carry her grandchild.
she has yet go oversea trip which I promise I would bring her go.
that day I told her my friends went taiwan.
she looked at me and say, you very envy?
I said no. I really mean so.
I told her if I have got the money, I would rather bring you and our family go then to spend the money on myself.
what's more important then kinship?
I might be stubborn but I'm very certain I'm not selfish nor self centered.
I appreciate whatever people have done for me.
if you're good, I'll be even better to you.
last year, I said I'll give you five years of my life.
I choose to believe my prayers will be heard.
momma, I love you.
I'm sorry to disappoint you again.
i know i ain't the clever type.
but, i never felt so stupid before.
like seriously, i feel that I'm such a failure.
why couldn't i handle it better? why can't i?
I'm nothing but such a disappointment.
I thought I could manage some of the paper.
the least I expect I would flunk it.
yes, I failed all my modules.
I couldn't believe my own eyes too.
I keep refreshing and refreshing hoping that it'll change.
it din. it stays the same.
it hurts more when I know how mum will be disappointed with my results.
till now, I dare not break this news to her.
it even hurts more, when the doctor says if she carry on like this,
she could only live for weeks or months.
yet, I can't made her feel better and gotten myself into this kinda shit.
the feeling is like I rather die off then to see her disappointed face.
I'm really upset about myself.
what went wrong?!
I did try my best, perhaps not my very best.
I'm nothing but trouble.
I could accept the fact that I flunk the modules.
I just couldn't accept the fact that I'm going to disappoint my mum.
suddenly, I couldn't see where's my future anymore.
there's so much I wanna achieve.
I had a goal but it's getting further away from me.
I could feel the distant when I once thought it's so near.
but, not anymore.
my cousin asked me this: 你有没有做好心理准备？
I told her even if I did, when she's gone. I really couldn't accept the fact.
she has yet attend my degree graduation ceremony.
she has yet seen me marry off.
she has yet carry her grandchild.
she has yet go oversea trip which I promise I would bring her go.
that day I told her my friends went taiwan.
she looked at me and say, you very envy?
I said no. I really mean so.
I told her if I have got the money, I would rather bring you and our family go then to spend the money on myself.
what's more important then kinship?
I might be stubborn but I'm very certain I'm not selfish nor self centered.
I appreciate whatever people have done for me.
if you're good, I'll be even better to you.
last year, I said I'll give you five years of my life.
I choose to believe my prayers will be heard.
momma, I love you.
I'm sorry to disappoint you again.
Tuesday 1 June 2010
happy, excited and worried.
i'm happy because taka sales ended.
no more standing of 12hours everyday.
excited because i hit my target!
but, still have to wait till next month end before i get my pay.
so now, i'm still broke, lol!
worried because result gonna be out on 3rd, i think?
if i so gonna fail all, i'll go and die.
HAHAHAHA. *bitter laughters.
:(
BABY IS BACKKKKKK! ♥♥♥
he got me many food.
and this box of chocolate.
teeheehee.
see the wordings inside.
yes, he call me pipi. ♥
cause i'm full of rubbish.
talk like fang pi. HAHAHA.
my tiffany and co keychain.
so pretty right.
totally love it man!
alright, i admit its a fake one but look alike what. no?
its actually lancome limited ed keychain.
one of our free gift but i thought it somehow look alike.
took one home cause it's so chio. hehehee.
i tell you five of sales is total madness.
look at my face you know already.
last day when it ended.
happy but shag till like idk what.
HAHAHA.
i hope they give me full timer comm or ot pay instead of part time comm.
but actually full timer comm or ot pay not much different too though.
like 30$?
p/s: i hope i pass my exams. but, i know its imossible.
xoxo;
JY <3
i'm happy because taka sales ended.
no more standing of 12hours everyday.
excited because i hit my target!
but, still have to wait till next month end before i get my pay.
so now, i'm still broke, lol!
worried because result gonna be out on 3rd, i think?
if i so gonna fail all, i'll go and die.
HAHAHAHA. *bitter laughters.
:(
BABY IS BACKKKKKK! ♥♥♥
he got me many food.
and this box of chocolate.
teeheehee.
see the wordings inside.
yes, he call me pipi. ♥
cause i'm full of rubbish.
talk like fang pi. HAHAHA.
my tiffany and co keychain.
so pretty right.
totally love it man!
alright, i admit its a fake one but look alike what. no?
its actually lancome limited ed keychain.
one of our free gift but i thought it somehow look alike.
took one home cause it's so chio. hehehee.
i tell you five of sales is total madness.
look at my face you know already.
last day when it ended.
happy but shag till like idk what.
HAHAHA.
i hope they give me full timer comm or ot pay instead of part time comm.
but actually full timer comm or ot pay not much different too though.
like 30$?
p/s: i hope i pass my exams. but, i know its imossible.
xoxo;
JY <3
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